I’m with you sister, burn Brandy Melville to the ground and replace it with a Moby Dick’s Vibrator Hut, but it’s not going to happen. Like Gina giggling into her white manicure over the fact that he could only clear the bar when they lowered it, this will bring me everlasting joy.įinally, we catch up with Shannon Beador, who is still with her boyfriend John and trying to get her teenage daughters to cover their midriffs and that is a battle she will always lose. But, and it’s a big but, it’s only because during Covid they lowered the passing grade to 1390, which is what he got the last time he took the test, so he passed only when they made it easier. The best part of this meeting is that we find out that Shane Simpson finally passed the bar. Gina has lost a bunch of the Covid weight, and Emily, always relatable, is just trying not to shred her vagina on some sort of contraption that looks like a NordicTrack humping an unassembled Ikea bookshelf. Next, we see Emily and Gina out to Pilates and they are best friends again and, next to Robyn and Gizelle, this is my favorite pair of Housewives besties.
Pizza is what you serve on the day when your chef is not around and you don’t do the cooking. Pizza? You’re paying a chef for pizza? Oh no, sister. We do a little catch-up with Heather and her kids, one of whom is an almost 18-year-old gentleman who is very handsome, but how did Shane Keough at 18 look like a 27-year-old Abercrombie model and this kid looks like, well, someone applying to community college? Did kids get younger, or am I just … old? Heather sits down with her family to have a dinner cooked by their chef Hunky Nick and I’m waiting for lamb shanks in some kind of demi-glaze and he just puts some pizzas on the table. (This time, maybe the clown is fame, maybe it’s making a reality television program, maybe it’s the memory of Kelly Dodd.) What I’m saying is, while they’re trying to sell us really hard on the fact that they are friends, we never started a season with a bunch of women who seemed more disparate than they do here. Now they all have to get back together to slay the clown once again. Here are all of these people who were once connected in an experiment where they have to punish an evil clown (in this metaphor, that can be either Andy Cohen or Kandi Burruss in costume), but now they’re all scattered about. The start of the episode feels a little bit like It: Chapter Two. Will she save it? Unclear, but it certainly didn’t feel like any season of RHOC that we’ve been used to. But much like her house, it is a promise that is glitzy but almost entirely empty. That is sort of the promise not just of this premiere but of this whole season: Heather is back to save the show. “Hello, I’m back,” Heather Dubrow shouts both to the viewers and to, ostensibly, her four children and her plastic surgeon husband, Terry (who is on a reality television program of his own). Here we are, back in a big, empty, backlit house, staring at the frigid expanse of the Pacific over the lazy edge of an infinity pool as a pair of heels clack along on the custom-designed floor.
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